


First Comes Love

by nanda (nandamai)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Cultural Differences, Fake Marriage, Fertility Ceremony, Gen, Humor, Season/Series 03, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-19
Updated: 2009-03-19
Packaged: 2017-11-15 14:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/528324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nandamai/pseuds/nanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not quite the cliché Jack had in mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Comes Love

**Author's Note:**

> For the [Carnival of Squee Take Back the Glee Commentficathon](http://community.livejournal.com/carnivalofsquee/5578.html), to the prompt “strategic planning.” BYO subtext.

It was another one of those planets where they made Carter dress up, and she hated those. Jack hated them, too, but for different reasons. For one thing, that hideous getup meant their ten-hour hike back to the gate would be chilly.

They had her wrapped in purple feathers — a lot of purple feathers — with about a zillion pouffy skirts underneath. She looked like she was about to dance the cancan. She wore a frozen smile as the women bustled around her, but every once in a while she shot Jack a look that said, “Save me, sir, _please_.” He’d learned long ago not to leave her alone in the tent when she was stolen away. It was a meetinghouse of some sort this time, not a tent, but whatever.

Jack offered an apologetic shrug in return. Teal’c offered his usual grimace.

When Daniel swept into the room with an apology already on his lips, Jack’s day looked to get even worse before it got better.

“Uh, well.” Daniel spoke so the women wouldn’t overhear, not that they’d understand him anyway. “Apparently she’s being dressed up for you.”

“Me?” Maybe Jack just had to pretend to be married to her again. He liked those missions.

“Er. Both of you.”

“Both of us?” That part Jack didn’t like so much.

“Daniel Jackson. Explain.”

Daniel took a small step back from Teal’c. “Well, you see, it’s interesting, actually, Janet will be fascinated –”

“Daniel!”

“Uh. Right. Well, marriages here are among three people, and since I’d already told them my wife was not with us, well.”

Jack took a small step back from Teal’c, too. Then he closed his eyes and counted to fifty.

“And, see.” Daniel was warming up to his subject. “The language is extremely archaic so I’m not sure I’ve got the details right, but their physiology seems to require three different sets of genetic material to –”

“GENETIC MATERIAL?” Everyone in the tent stared at Jack, including Carter. Whoops. At least he could tell that she hadn’t made out what he’d said, just that he’d said it loudly. He held up his hands. “Sorry.”

“Oh, no, you don’t have to — um, I think –”

“What will we be required to do, Daniel Jackson?” Teal’c asked in his first prime voice.

“It’s not that bad, honest. You just have to sit around a tree for, um, fifty-seven hours.”

It couldn’t be that easy. “We just sit,” Jack said. “Around a tree?”

“Yes, you just have to sit. With your wrists tied together. Because you’re married.”

“We just sit,” Jack said. “Tied together. Around the tree?” They’d had to do worse.

Daniel was nodding. “Around the tree, yes. Naked.”

“Oh, for the love of — And let me guess. If we don’t agree, there’s no trinium?”

“Actually, if you don’t agree, you’ll kind of be buried alive.”

Jack closed his eyes and counted to one hundred.

“Daniel Jackson. We are to sit around this tree without moving, for two of their days?”

“Yes?”

“How will we be expected to relieve ourselves?”

That was Teal’c, always thinking about the big questions. “Yes, Daniel, pray tell?”

“Oh. Well, er.”

“ _Daniel_.”

“See, this tree, it’s an ancient fruit tree, and they sacrifice to it –”

“Sacrifice _what_?”

“Oh! Not you. You’ll be fine. They just, um. They kind of want you to fertilize it.”

Oh, ew. Being buried alive didn’t sound so bad now. Jack checked on Carter over Daniel’s shoulder. One of the women was gesturing to her and Carter was gesturing back, and she was smiling. It wasn’t a fake smile, either. Jack had a complete mental catalog of Carter’s smiles. 

“Jaffa culture would consider this extremely unclean, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c said.

“Human culture considers it revolting, Teal’c.” Jack looked at Carter again, and then he peered at Daniel. “So, Daniel, this nakedness and being buried alive. Why does Carter look so happy about it all of a sudden?”

“Oh, they haven’t told her yet.”

Uh-huh. Carter was laughing now. Jack leaned in closer to Daniel. Someone was going to be in pain when this mission was over, and he was starting to think it might not be him. “You’re making all this up, aren’t you?”

Teal’c's jaw set in a dangerous fashion. “Daniel Jackson. Are you prevaricating?”

“Yes, yes, I am, actually. All you really have to do is dress up in feathers, pretend to be in a three-way marriage, and dance around the tree for a few hours.”

Oh, thank god.


End file.
